Solo Travel Lessons Learned Over 50000 Miles: Make Loneliness Your Bitch

You’ve been avoiding her all your life, because she owns you and you know it.

You refuse to travel anywhere she could show up, because her cold presence incites terror in you.

You stay prepared with a tool belt of plastic friends (television, your phone, or your computer) to comfort you at all times… maybe then you won’t feel her sting.

I know because loneliness used to rule my life as well.

On my first night of solo travel, I dug my head as deep into my cotton pillow as I could burrow. I didn’t want the other travelers in my room to hear my sobs. I was over 3,000 miles from anyone who gave a shit about me and that bitch loneliness had engulfed me so hard I was shaking.

I can’t save you from the temporary pain she will bring, but I hope to inspire you to plunge through her darkness anyways.

The freedom is sweet and warm on the other side.

I’m not bitter at loneliness for all she put me through, in fact, I’m grateful. She has taught me who I really am and has shown me how to love every aspect of myself.

I now dance frequently with her. I even miss her when we haven’t seen each other in awhile.

Solo travel was my way through the shackles loneliness had on my life and maybe it can be yours too. Maybe you even want to make her your bitch, so she will never rule your life again. If so, you might want to read on.

Here are 8 lessons I’ve learned from traveling over 50,000 miles alone:

1. Forgo Fantasy Facebook Land

The surest way to get depressed on a solo trip is to constantly monitor what your friends back home are eating for dinner.

Limit yourself to one facebook glance a day (I recommend a mid-day check), if you can’t go cold turkey.

Then shut off your Macbook, leave the hostel, and go for a walk in reality.

Go ‘like’ someone in the real world.

2. Recruit Your Main Characters

I have friends all over the world now, but each of these sparkling individuals started as a stranger.

One of us had to cross that awkward territory that exists between two souls, who have only just met. If you have the courage to extend your hand, you will be surprised how many people will happily reach back.

Many people are eager for connection, yet too scared or conditioned to ask for it.

I make an effort to talk to as many people as I can. I ask for directions, ask for opinions on the area, comment on the weather, or compliment someone on their choice of socks to get the conversation started.

Start with casual, small talk and you will be able to tell quickly, if they rule or not. 

Remember You Will Meet 2 Types Of People:

A. Your People: Those rare souls who you instantly click with. These folks will feel like your best friend, who you have only just met.

Relish these times, because they are miracles.

B. People: You can’t fall in love at first sight all the time, which is why that is so special. Most of the people you meet traveling wouldn’t be your friends in your hometown. You share different values and get jazzed about different experiences. Some people love hot-rods and others are minimalists.

Pull a Tim Cope on them.

Tim rode a horse from Mongolia to Hungary (over 10,000 miles) and his options for friendship were limited in the desert steppes he crossed. Sometimes he met saints and other times he met drunks and thieves.

Tim looked deep into these people though and saw his connection to them. He was able to enjoy a vast array of experiences because he accepted everyone for exactly who they were.

Then, he would have to go find his stolen horse the next day.

3. Yes, Si, Oui, Ja, Dai…

Say yes often, no matter what language you have to say it in.

When you say yes to invitations from others, you are agreeing to share some life with them. The more you do this, the more life will come your way.

Of course, tell the dude wearing a ski mask and holding a butcher knife, “No,” but everyone else gets a yes.

I’ve practiced this philosophy and I’ll never go back to saying No.

Here is a brief quiz to get you prepared:

Do you want to go to church tomorrow?

Do you want to taste my family recipe for spaghetti sauce?

Do you want a piece of my homemade cake?

4. Wield The Most Powerful Traveler’s Sword

Meander over to the online travel world called Couchsurfing, (just don’t sneak into Facebook!).

Couchsurfing is the most powerful tool at your disposal to finding Your People. 

Join the Group of the place you are visiting. Travelers and locals post social meet-ups here and I recommend you taking some initiative to post an activity that you’d love to do. Invite everyone in town!

There is a great band at Ted’s Drunken Dance Joint today. Free! Anyone interested in joining me?

I’ve heard the onion rings at Bosco’s Fried Greasy As Hell Restaurant are better than sex. Anyone want to taste test with me?

5. Snooze

Some nights will suck. Loneliness will creep up on you and you won’t be able to shake her.

Don’t worry she will pass with time.

Don’t get blasted out of your mind to forget about it. Don’t call home sobbing or sprint to the airport to go zooming back to Momma.

Just go to bed. You will be surprised how you feel differently in the morning without doing anything.

6. Breathe

Loneliness isn’t that horrible a feeling, when you really get to know her.

Next time she comes, instead of distracting yourself from the feeling, take a minute and embrace her.

Feel her through your whole body.

Feel her as strongly as you can bear. You might be surprised to find that when you know her intimately, she no longer holds power over you.

7. Do What You Want

Many people never learn how to do what they want. They are always making decisions based on what they SHOULD do or what they think OTHERS WANT. They wait to make any plans, until they can convince others to come along.

Doing what you want to do… alone, is selfish and WEIRD… right?

Wrong. If you are going to change the world with me, you are going to need to be nourished and full.

You must take care of yourself by giving yourself what you want. You can’t wait around for your friends to start loving dubstep to go check out a show in town.

Go out and do what you want.

Be proud and suck that shyness all the way down into your belly.

I go out to eat by myself all the time. I watch movies by myself. I show up to parties by myself. I see concerts alone.

When the hostess comments, “Is it just you?” I like to proudly say,

“HELL YEAH! I’m all you need, Sucker!” (Okay, not really, but I think it).

Talk to people that you want to talk to. Go get freaked out at the latest horror movie, go eat a couple slices of hot pepperoni pizza, or go sit on a bar stool with a bubbly brew.

Go do what you love.

Who knows… you might even find people there that love what you love too. 

8. Be Real

Fuck polite bullshit…

Many people live up in their own head and not in our world. They don’t speak what is on their mind, they only say what they SHOULD say or what is polite to say.

They are nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, and they think this is a positive trait, because this is what their Momma told them.

If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all… right?

I’m not a nice person. Nice is boring as hell to me. Nice is fake and makes me slightly nauseous.

I love people, because I’ve learned to be real with people. If I’m geniunely excited about what you have to say, then you will know it. If I think you are a dick, then you will know it too… on some level.

I won’t kick you in the balls, but I will challenge you OR I might just avoid you, because I don’t have the time to call out every dick on their bullshit.

Start being real today.

Tell someone what you actually think today and see what happens. 

Did you watch the short video?

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