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I used to be pretty darn shy.
Serious… If we were to zoom back in time, before I hitchhiked the USA, before I directed a wilderness school in Virginia, you would find a shy, unconfident, and really insecure dude.
I challenge you to share your shy tales in the comments… no way you can top mine. 
No way you were as shy as me!
Check this out:
In the fourth grade at recess, the hottest girl in my class asked me to “go with her,” but I refused, even though I really wanted to (although I’m not sure where we would have went… except maybe to the kissing tree behind the swing set ).
In high school, I hated pep rallies. I would get anxious about where to sit in the crowded gymnasium. I didn’t want to sit with the dorks… but I also didn’t want to sit with the cool kids… because then I would have to talk to them. So I would try to sit right next to the cool kids and absorb their coolness without actually having to say anything.
Even when I first started traveling, I missed out on so many killer experiences because of my shyness. I spent my first solo trip to the Netherlands by myself the entire time, even though I’d dreamed of rocking it out with travelers from around the globe. Other travelers would even ask me to hang out with them, but I was too damn shy to take them up on the offer.
I hated being shy.
I really regretted it too, because I always felt like I was missing out on cool experiences. I felt like my life was passing me by and I had no idea what to do about it.
Deep inside myself… I wanted to talk to everyone!
I wanted to be the life of the mother fucking party!!!
I wanted to just relax and LAUGH MY HEAD fell off wherever I felt like it. I wanted to go up to the hottest girls and spit some MAD GAME on them. I wanted to dance the FREAKY ZEAKY EAKY at parties (my own special dance moves) and not give a shit what anyone thought.
I really lived in an almost constant state of anxiety and I wasn’t sure if it would ever change.
Have you felt this way?
Have you felt anxious about going to parties that you would even bail on them sometimes?
Have you avoided approaching people, because you were scared of looking stupid?
Hopefully your shyness isn’t as bad as mine was, but if it does bother you, don’t worry… there is hope.
Yo! You don’t have to be shy forever.
I am the life of the party now… if I want to be.
Those hot girls that use to make me take a hot dump on myself… don’t bother me a bit now.
I can talk to anyone and I love it.
How did I do it and how can you do it?
It was a long road to get here with a lot of daily steps. I faced this fear as much as I possibly could. Part of the reason I chose to hitchhike was so I could continue to practice talking to anyone.
But one idea has helped more than any other. This mantra keeps shyness away, when he tries to creep back up on me. I can’t quite recall, where or when I realized this idea, but I’m really happy I did.
We have other things on our mind
Here is the powerful idea that helped me break out of being shy and into being a socializer…
No one really cares much about what I say or do.
BAM!!! ZINGGG!!! WHOOPPPPP!!!! DEEADLLERR!!!
(IINNSSERTT YOUR MADE UP WORDS HERE TOO!)
No one gives a fat, flying fuck what shirt I wear to the party, how I decide to do my hair, and they sure aren’t analyzing everything I say.
Most people are thinking about me as little as they possibly can, because they are more concerned with something that is much more important to them.
Most people overanalyze, fret, worry, and constantly think about one thing…. Are you ready for it?
Most people think constantly about themselves!
ZEEEPPPP!!!! ZAAANNNGGGG!!!! ZZZIIIDDDDIIILLLLYYYYY!!!!
Most people are worried about what they said, or what they should say, or what they didn’t say, or who they should talk to.
Most people are wondering if they should have worn their green shoes or maybe not parted their hair to the left.
Most people are obsessing about themselves, so feel free to do whatever you want.
When I was researching for this post, I asked some of my high school friends to write a couple sentences about how shy I was… but you know what…? While some had some stories about me being shy… others didn’t even really notice.
“I really didn’t see you as shy? Smart, good person and somebody that could be counted on for positive things. So Ben, I remember you as intelligent and smart enough to not flap the gums….” – Joe
“I remember how long it took him to to ask a certain girl out on a date. It took a group a guys forever to talk him into it. It shouldn’t have been hard since we were all best friends and could tell anything to any of them, and we did.
That sticks out to me… lol. Guess it means more coming from a guy who was also shy…” – Patrick
“So anyway, since you were supposedly my boyfriend I decided I better call you on the phone. That was the most awkward 20 minute conversation ever. Well it wasn’t even a conversation. I asked you a couple of questions and I think you answered with dead silence. I finally made up an excuse about having to help my brother on the computer so I could hang up. Good times!” -Amorena
Tell your shyness to go take the bus to Baton Rouge and let your awesomeness take over!
***
Want to get over your shyness FOREVER?
Being the Life Of The Party can be learned
I want to help you talk to anyone, so join me now.
I’m opening up a Social Confidence coaching program and maybe an E-course SOON.
In these programs, we’ll talk about the EXACT STEPS you can take to talk to anyone. Not super hard stuff either, but simple steps that almost anyone can do.
We’ll focus on keeping you inspired, taking daily actions, and you’ll have my full support the entire way.
You don’t have to be shy, if you don’t want to be.
Before I open the paid program up to everyone here, I’m inviting you to apply for one of 5 openings to try it out for FREE. Yeah… like ZERO DOLLARS!!!
We’ll either chat on Skype, the phone, or exchange emails. We’ll handle those FEARS, set up ACTIONS to take, and I’ll be there to INSPIRE you and navigate any CHALLENGES that pop up.
It’ll be FUN too… I promise .
If you want in, here is what you must do:
1. Comment on this post or send me an email (Benjamin(at)AdventureSauce(dot)com) telling me a specific situation where you were shy recently. Simple, right?
How did you feel? What were you worried about? What happened? Did anyone say something mean?
2. Then, describe how you want to be. How would you act, if you weren’t shy? What is your ideal self like? What areas of you life do you want to be confident in? What situations do you want to be ‘the life of the party’ in?
If you are interested, respond now. I’ve got over 3,000 subscribers through email, Facebook, Twitter, and Youtube and I can only accept 5 people… they’ll go fast.
I completely believe you can get over shyness and I’d love to help you. I can’t wait to talk more.
Rock the world, Benjamin
Ps. Share this with your pals too.
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Awe, little Ben looks so cute!!!!
I’m not always shy. Most people perceives me as outgoing, but I do have these “shy periods”. For example, when I’m in a new place, meeting new people, and feeling intimated with the company around me. I hate being shy too! Usually, alcohol helps out on certain occasions, but no one wants to rely on that! LOL
I’m the worst with first impressions. I’m more of a third or fourth impresser. I’m always afraid of judgment. Who isn’t, right? No matter what people say, we always judge a new person. We ask ourselves, “Will you be a good friend to me?” I, on the other hand, talk to anyone who can hold a conversation.
Hey Jen!
Alcohol does help
but it is definitely awesome to not have to worry about it.
That inner monologue about judgment can hold us back from truly relaxing and being ourselves. 3 or 4th impression isn’t bad.
In highschoool I was that kid in the corner always being picked on or beaten up. It has effected me all the way into my adulthood. I’m always super axious around people in general and much worst around girls. I’m always worried about what others are thinking about me.
I did get better. Last year I was at my all time worst. suffered through depression. It was so bad that I would rather stay home and starve (I had no food) than to go out for breakfast with my friends. I was just to scared of the world.
I had enough. I knew only I could help meself. I looked for help in various sources and I slowly got better. Now I’m travelling (In Iceland and going to Amsterdam next week!)and I’m loving it but I’m still very fucking shy! I can’t get myself to talk to other travelers and when I do they seem to evaporate as if I freaked them out somehow.
I want to be able to make friends easier and have a great time when I go out! I want to be part of the party and not just observing the party! I want girls motherfucker! lol
Thanks for listening, this felt good to tell someone!
Rene
Yo Rene, thanks for sharing!
It does feel good to get it off your chest, doesn’t it?
Totally possible to have what you want man. Stay strong & I’ll be choosing people on Sunday… but if it doesn’t work out, I’ll still be writing articles about this subject. Or if you have any questions, you can always email me.
I work as a driver on my school campus, shuttling kids to various destinations. It has been a great job for me because I get the opportunity to talk to so many different people, but I still get shy when a hot ass chick gets in my car. I wanna step my game up. Advice?
The number one thing would be to talk to everyone… all the time. Just practice talking to people.
I feel shy almost all the time when I’m around people. But one event recently that I felt really shy was a couple of days ago. Then me and three other people were practicing for our music-exams. So we would start to talk to each other after every time we had played the song we were practicing. One of them is a really attractive girl, so I felt a little nervous.
I tried to shoot in a couple of sentences here and there. And I usually stumble my words a lot when I speak with people. So my voice was starting to shake and I had to repeat myself sometimes to get understood. Then I felt even more nervous, and the rest of the band-practice I was only thinking of how I had fucked up my sentences, I even fucked up my guitar-playing because I couldn’t concentrate on what I was doing. I was really angry at myself for not being able to just have a nice flowing conversation, especially with an attractive girl.
No one said anything mean to me, but I knew they were thinking that there was something weird about me. And it’s something that has been bothering me for years, and I’ve screwed up so many times that I usually just remain silent to avoid risking embarrassment.
I wish I could be able to have more free-flowing conversations without having to be nervous if I say the wrong things, or if I stumble my words. I also want to become more charismatic, and that when the attention is on me I can enjoy it and relax. I also want to become more confident with women, I know what women want (maybe even more than the average guy), but I just can’t deliver it. I see so many opportunities, some women have even gotten angry at me because I haven’t taken the chance and started speaking with them. And I understand how they feel about that too.
I want to be the life of the party wherever I go:)
Yo Vegard, tough story man.
I hear you.
You touched on one aspect of shyness that is important to note… shy people tend to be sensitive to thoughts & feelings that others don’t even realize. A lot of people have less sensitivity to the thoughts or feelings of others never struggle with this problem.
This is why a lot of shy people are killer artists, actors, and musicians. They understand a deeper level then a lot of people.
Once they can stop caring and acting on these fears, they are UNSTOPPABLE.
I loved your quote, “I want to be the life of the party wherever I go:)”
I really don’t have a recent situation where I felt shy. Because I am too scared to put myself in those situations. I mean if you wanna count the networking event I went to, last month. Which I totally stood by the wall and stared at the ceiling, then we totally have a winner.
I believe the shyness took over in middle school. I was already insecure about my weight and my dad was in the navy so we were never in the same place for long. I mean Facebook wasn’t invented until my sophomore or junior year. So the friends that I made I disconnected with. That became a trend with me. When I moved I never stayed connected with anyone. I am the type that I don’t like to talk on phone or film myself. When I am nervous the words that I formed in my head seem to spill out in some foreign nonsense. I really want to be able to say what I feel. Not cluster all of those words in my mind and never release them.
I really want to be a public speaker, a curator of talented young artists and storyteller. Basically mashing those up into one awesome job. I have the heart, I just need to get past the fear.
Killer story, Whitney. Thanks for being so open.
I think it is cool that you want to go into a field that you are terrified of.
Courageous!
I think that you made a good point on the origin of shyness: the concern of other’s opinion on oneself. Since I moved from China to U.S. without my parents, I have encountered many awkward situations because of language and cultural difference. Those experiences made me afraid of social interaction with foreigners. I have discovered that I’m so much more outgoing with my Chinese friends, but often have difficulties “being myself” when hanging out with foreigners (hmm, isn’t I the foreigner here?). Especially with girls.
Shyness is an obstacle to my goal for travelling from China to U.S., and maybe more in the future. I’m driven by curiosity, always interested in the outer world. However, if I’m afraid of talking to those people, I really missed a big part of it. I’m not interested to be the “life of the party”, but I want to be able to know.
We can talk more on Skype… if I’m in, hehe.
Thanks for sharing your stories, Changbai.
I can imagine that would be tough. I’ve felt the same, when I’ve traveled to countries that don’t speak English… even though there is usually someone around that does.
I’ll select the 5 on Sunday to give everyone a chance to submit.
Yo Benjamin this is a great post.
I don’t actually qualify for your class because I’d talk start a conversation with a stick. That being said back in college I was totally shy. My first year I made zero new friends. The only people I hung out with were people that were from my highschool that went to my same college.
It was sometime late during that first year when I just got tired of it. I came to the realization that if I was going to make new friends it was on my shoulders. I basically decided that I needed to start taking risks and putting myself out there. I joined a bunch of clubs and went to some really strange activities but in the end I really learned how to talk and listen to people.
Keep up the interesting content man! Very cool business idea as well
-Izzy
Yo IZZY,
Killer story… solid to know others are on a similar mission. Stay in touch
Hey Benjamin! I can’t even tell how cool and usefull your posts are! You keep inspiring me on my lone way!
I too was thinking who the heck cares of me and my oddness, everybody thinks of themselves. I finally moved away from home to live on my own as I wrote you in email – nice step forward for me.
I saw some really beautiful girl in my area and I want to get to know her so bad! I followed her and now I know where she lives but I didn’t get confidence to talk to her!
I wanna just step up to her and say something like “Hi! You are very beautiful to me! What’s your name?” not being like alpha-male with globe-sized balls and expensive rolex watches but just a usual guy who wants to make her happy! But I feel damn shaking fear inside even understanding that the worst thing could happen is just she say like “I am not interested in you. Bye”
Max
Yo Max! thanks for sharing… the key is to start with a ‘chunk’ you can handle.
Instead of talking to the EXTREME HOTTIE first, go talk to the gas station store clerk, or the coffee barista. Then work up to someone a little harder… until you have so much momentum that she will be easy to talk to. Hope this helps, Benjamin
I’m glad you overcame your shyness and came out of your shell, but going on a solo trip to the Netherlands sounds pretty awesome from my perspective – I’m putting that on my bucket list. I’ve gone on plenty of trips abroad with other people (friends, family, girlfriends), but I’d like to see what it’s like going on your own.
Yo Joe!
You know, the thought of adventure and traveling can be much different from the reality of the trip at times.
Especially if you are shy and anxious around people, like I was. Those challenging experiences have shaped me into the man that I am though, so… that said,
I completely encourage you to head out on your own… sounds like it is calling you.
Keep me posted!
Hi, I’m Logan.
I’m quite a shy person.
When I felt really nervous was when I was trying to get rid of my shyness by approaching random people around my university campus and asking for the time or directions.
One thing I did that was very hard for me was approach a girl I had met at a party, but hardly spoke to. Thing is, I wasn’t sure it was her, and , she is from Chile, so I was going to speak to her in Spanish. (imagine if it wasn’t her and I talked to some random person in Spanish). I took 10 minutes of fretting over talking to her, but I did it.
The whole conversation I was turning red, though. I still didn’t feel confident.
My ideal self would be someone who could approach ANYONE in ANY social situation, and make friends with whoever I meet.
Thanks
Yo Logan thanks for sharing.
The important part of that story is that you DID it. You didn’t let the shyness paralyze you. Don’t get caught up in whether you are a ROCKSTAR… just keep doing it. Go make a fool of yourself… WHO CARES, right?
Go have some fun.
Just take small daily steps and you will get there
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